REVIEW COLLECTION: The Films of Amblimation

The following reviews were originally posted on my Instagram page @film_freeq in early 2023. These particular reviews cover the brief-but-nostalgic and -unique filmography of a short-lived animation studio established by one of cinema's most influential figures. 

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An American Tail: Fievel Goes West (1991) 

Having greatly enjoyed his experiences on films like An American Tail and Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Steven Spielberg decided to form his own animation studio in 1989. The debut feature for the London-based and appropriately-named Amblimation (after the director's production company, Amblin Entertainment) was a genre-switching sequel to the former entry. 

Fievel Goes West shares a lot in common with Disney's Rescuers duology, in that both follow-ups lack the emotional weight and heart of their predecessors, yet are still fun and entertaining installments on their own. They also showcase high-quality, cinematic animation and roller-coaster thrills, not to mention an entirely different setting. In the case of Fievel, the Mousekewitz family and other tiny critters emigrate from New York City to the Old West, unaware that a dastardly cat leader (John Cleese chews up the scenery as the conniving Cat R. Waul) is planning a big trap. 

The film is also noteworthy for being the last screen credit for actor James Stewart (as the hound dog sheriff Whily Burp), while Dom DeLuise's scene-stealing cat Tiger is given a larger role this time. The story could've used a little more pathos and substance, as mentioned. It also has few too many risqué elements (a few moments take place in a saloon). But good luck not being wowed by this otherwise artistic popcorn slinger. 

We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story (1993) 

Jurassic Park and The Land Before Time aren't the only dinosaur pictures that Spielberg has been directly involved with. The same year as that iconic live-action blockbuster, his Amblination studio released an adaptation of Hudson Talbott's children's book about a gang of prehistoric creatures who are transported to present day New York City. That imaginative "just-go-with-it" premise, along with a colorful cast of characters, an unbelievable voice cast (only Spielberg and company could've convinced newscaster Walter Cronkite, chef Julia Child, and talk show host Jay Leno to be in a cartoon movie, alongside John Goodman, Rhea Perlman, and Charles Fleischer), and eye-popping animation, make We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story a fun ride on the surface. 

An original recruitment flyer for Amblimation from 1993 (courtesy Twitter)

But the film itself--with its rushed narrative, convoluted plot holes, and dated CGI--represents one of those cinematic oddities and missed opportunities. Sure, it has great animation, including a standout musical number in Times Square (where the central dinos are initially mistaken for giant parade floats). But We're Back gets lost in its own misguided and disjointed story, especially when it converts to a darker subplot involving an evil magician and a three-ring circus (Martin Short voices a clown). At the end of the day, it's more of a studio-driven and creative idea than a genuine story. At least it was an alternative for children who weren't old enough to see Jurassic Park at the time. 

TRIVIAL FACT: Co-director Ralph Zondag later helped bring the Walt Disney Company's own Dinosaur picture to life seven years later. 

Balto (1995) 

Before Lassie and Rin Tin Tin, the first major movie star dog was the famous Balto. Well-known for his heroic and courageous trek during the 1925 serum run in the Arctic mountains to deliver medicine for sick children in Nome, Alaska, the Siberian Husky headlined many silent pictures that same decade. 

The 1995 animated film version (featuring the voices of Kevin Bacon, Bob Hoskins, Bridget Fonda, Jim Cummings, and Phil Collins) takes many significant liberties. For instance, the real Balto was not part-wolf. Also, he only ran the remaining 55 miles of the arduous race, even though he got most of the publicity in the end. (The real hero of the run was Togo, who did get his own feature film in 2019, starring Willem Dafoe.) 

Released the same year as Disney's Pocahontas (also based on historical events and figures), Balto stands on its own as a remarkable story of courage and bravery in the face of insurmountable odds. Equal parts adventurous, thrilling, and inspiring, with live-action segments (featuring actress Miriam Margoyles) that bookend the story, the film has since become a fan-favorite of the Nineties. 

On the same topic of animals, Steven Spielberg and company, believe it or not, had actually planned, for their next animated feature, a take on Andrew Lloyd Webber's long-running musical Cats. But after the financial failures of their first and only three films (concluding with Balto), those plans were scrapped. However, early concept art and character designs can be viewed on Cartoon Brew, in an article written by Alex Dudok de Wit in 2019. (And they are sights to behold, no doubt. Maybe a lot better than the much-hated film version we did get that same year.) Another bit of good news for the short-lived Amblimation: every employee then moved on to Spielberg's newly-formed company DreamWorks (co-founded with Jeffrey Katzenberg and David Geffen). 

REVIEW COLLECTION: Animé of the 21st Century, 1st Edition

WRITER'S NOTE: The following is a collection of reviews posted on my Instagram page @film_freeq between late-2022 and early-2023. They’ve been organized by their initial release dates and slightly edited.

The Girl Who Lept Through Time (2006) 

Indirectly based on Yasutaka Tsutsui's novel of the same name, this coming-of-age fantasy follows a passive-aggressive (and average) teenage girl named Makoto, unsure of her own future and what she wants to do. After finding a mysterious object in the school lab one day, she then survives a train accident and develops the ability to jump back in time. (Not reversing time itself; there's a difference.) At first, she boasts about her new-found abilities, until consequences on others and herself soon rear their ugly heads. 

After directing a few installments in the Digimon and One Piece film franchises, respectfully, director Mamoru Hosoda branched out with this engrossing and slow-stirring YA drama. From the opening credits to a breathless final act, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time includes themes of time, fate, reason, and making things right. It also features some surreal imagery, quirky humor, a dynamic, non-linear story, and some emotionally intense scenes (with a surprising character revelation or two) anchored by Kiyoshi Yoshida's bittersweet score. This is one of the most unique and original entries in the subgenre of time travel films since the 1993 classic, Groundhog Day. 

Your Name. (2016) 

Writer-director Makoto Shinkai's impressionistic and challenging coming-of-age feature follows a teenage boy in Tokyo and a teenage girl in Itomori (a.k.a. Hida) who miraculously switch bodies at random, with a strange comet apparently at the center of it. Part of Your Name. consists of a series of montages (the prologue feels like a music video), as main characters Mitsuha and Taki learn about each other, lay down ground rules to protect their lifestyles (easier said than done), and ultimately look for each other, despite being separated in more ways than one. 

State-of-the-art animé and an ambitious story of memory, time, fate, and human connection, have made this film a standout in recent years (including IMDb's "Top 250"). Shinkai reveals jaw-dropping plot twists halfway through, where the film is at its strongest. At the same time, Your Name. represents Eastern spirituality and philosophy, not to mention secular views regarding changing the past and future. Even the writer-director reportedly considered the final film to be "incomplete [and] unbalanced." 

A Silent Voice: The Movie (2016) 

Based on Yoshitaka Oima's manga of the same name, A Silent Voice (a.k.a. "The Shape of Voice") tells the heartbreaking-but-poignant story of a young man (Ishida) who tries to make amends with a deaf girl (Nishimiya) he bullied in middle school. Things are never that simple in the world of teenage adolescence, particularly when it comes to school cliques, gossip, and peer pressure. Director Naomo Yamada and screenwriter Reiko Yoshida succeed in immersing viewers into this complicated world where cruelty has dire consequences and kindness and change are possible. 

This is one of the most incredible pieces of animé I've ever seen. (Coming-of-age stories seem to be the strongest in this medium.) The adult Ishida goes from being shunned by his classmates to questioning whether or not he deserves forgiveness or love, even as he struggles to make things right. It's a testament to the filmmakers and artists that Ishida's arc is not the only one, with several other characters (including the deaf Nishimiya) having their own hidden intentions, forms of silence over bullying and other trauma, and ripple effects (a key visual motif). A few references to suicide are heart-stopping and difficult. But ultimately, this is a worthwhile story about second chances, as well as what real friendship looks like. 

TRIVIAL FACT: These themes would be seen again the following year, in Stephen Chbosky's adaptation of R.J. Palacio's bestselling novel, Wonder. 

Mary and the Witch's Flower (2017) 

The debut feature film from Studio Ponoc, Mary and the Witch's Flower is a successor-of-sorts to Studio Ghibli. (The celebrated company closed down in 2014.) Based on Mary Stewart's children's book,  The Little Broomstick, and written for the screen by Riko Sakaguchi and director Hiromasa Yonebayashi (who also made the beautiful Ghibli films The Secret World of Arrietty and When Marnie Was There), Mary and the Witch's Flower follows the titular and insecure girl (also featured in the company's clock-designed logo) who lives with her great-aunt in the countryside. One day, she discovers a broomstick and a magical flower that blooms every seven years. Soon enough, she's whisked away to a school for witches and wizards, and where the teachers and headmasters are not as they seem--save for the charming fox named Flanagan. 

While Mary recalls other Ghibli efforts like The Cat Returns, Howl’s Moving Castle and Kiki’s Delivery Service, Yonebayashi and company succeed in creating a distinctly magical and complex world that could potentially rival J.K. Rowling. Featuring spellbinding animation (the transformation sequences are impressive), high-flying action and adventure, some scary creatures, and thrilling twists, the film also has layered themes of destruction, the misuse of power, friendships, and making things right in the most unexpected ways. The artists and producers behind the scenes deserve credit for starting from scratch and carrying on a legacy (set by Ghibli) in a new direction. 

Modest Heroes -- Ponoc Short Films Theatre, Volume 1 (2018) 

An engrossing anthology of three short films by Studio Ponoc, Modest Heroes showcases distinct stories that share common themes. These include the roles and challenges of parents and children, as seen in Hiromasa Yonebayashi's Kanini & Kanino (about a family of undersea folk, where the titular children learn to face the world on their own while searching for their lost parents) and Yoshiyuki Momose's Life Ain't Gonna Lose (about children with developing allergies). Another key theme is the will to live and the fight to survive, as also seen in Akihiko Yamashita's Invisible (a more mature tale about an unseen adult man who wears sunglasses and carries a fire extinguisher to keep himself grounded). 

All shorts feature impressive animation and attention-to-detail, particularly Life's heart-racing sequence where the main child protagonist breaks out into allergies and races for his life, as well as Invisible's eponymous body language and characterizations. My only two qualms about this otherwise remarkable collection of achievements are Kanini & Kanino's shortage of a few animated bubbles (the film also blends hand-drawn animation with CG backgrounds and creatures), as well as respective closing credits that should've been saved until the end of the entire anthology. 

TRIVIAL FACT: Ponoc's next feature film, The Imaginary (directed by Momose), is scheduled to be released in Winter of 2023. Stay tuned . . . 

Weathering With You (2019) 

In this coming-of-age story, a teenage boy named Hodaka runs away to Tokyo (where it apparently rains all the time), finds work at a small magazine editing company, and meets and falls for a teenage girl named Hira, who has the miraculous ability to control the weather and bring sunshine. Director Makoto Shinkai continues his trademark approach of ambitious filmmaking with montage editing, deep themes (some centered around adolescent romance), and state-of-the-art production design. 

Unlike his previous film (2016's Your Name.), Weathering of You deals with more mature subject matter, including economic struggles, sexuality (i.e., some references to prostitution are present, as are other suggestive references and images), secrets, spirituality (New Age philosophy?), and scenes of drinking and smoking. So while the film is amazing to look at, its overall story shines a light on characters searching for meaning and purpose, but going about it in rebellious and/or illegal ways. 

ANIMATION FILMOGRAPHY: "The Thief and the Cobbler"

[WRITER'S NOTE: I haven't seen the theatrical versions of this unfinished film, so I'm only critiquing the fan-made cut available online.] 

Legendary animator Richard Williams is best known for his groundbreaking work on the 1988 live-action/animated mystery comedy Who Framed Roger Rabbit. But for almost three decades, he had been at work on what he considered his attempt to make the greatest animated film. 

Loosely based on Idries Shah's "Mullah Nasruddin" tales, and set in a fictional Middle-Eastern city, The Thief and the Cobbler held one of the longest production periods of any feature film, live-action or animated. The Canadian animator had spent that duration developing and producing the project independently, from his own studio in London. Its history is a complicated one. 

Production began in the 1960s. Key characters included the mute shoemaker named Tack (whose tools form a mouth on his face), the silent Thief who steals three golden palace balls, the beautiful princess YumYum, the sleep-deprived Sultan, and the dastardly wizard ZigZag (voiced by Vincent Price, who recites all of his dialogue in rhymes). Shot in a letterbox format a la Sleeping Beauty, Williams' ambitious undertaking had lavish art direction and groundbreaking perspective angles--all hand-made and without the use of computer technology. The BBC even did a behind-the-scenes television special in 1980, called "Richard Williams: The Thief Who Never Gave Up" (one of the film's original titles). I also recommend Robert Morgan's 16mm half-hour documentary from 1967, "The Creative Person: Richard Williams" (watch Part 1 here and Part 2 here).  

Getting back to Thief, the production budget came from profits made from short films and commercials that Williams' studio was turning out, including the 1971 Oscar-winning short based on Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol and the 1977 musical take on Raggedy Ann & Andy. Then, after Roger Rabbit was a massive success in the late-1980s, Williams made a deal with Warner Brothers to finish his passion project, under the primary condition that he finish by 1991. But because he couldn't meet the deadline (several sequences were reportedly redone, not least because of the director's perfectionism and difficult working style), Williams was let go. The remaining animation was finished by the Completion Bond Company and produced by Fred Calvert. 

This resulted in two different but heavily-cut and -edited versions released to theaters, both doing very poorly at the box-office: one by Allied Filmmakers in 1993 (as The Princess and the Cobbler), and the other by Miramax Films in 1995 (as Arabian Night). The latter version added new dialogue and voices (Matthew Broderik as Tack, Jennifer Beals as YumYum, and Jonathan Winters as the Thief), as well as musical numbers to capitalize on Disney's Renaissance era. (In retrospect, the Mouse House's own Arabian Nights feature, Aladdin, may have borrowed designs and other elements from Williams' film. It's not hard to see the similarities.) 

Nowadays, The Thief and the Cobbler is best regarded as an unfinished masterpiece. Its animation is unparalleled if, at times, uncanny and psychedelic. With that in mind, the film works more as an arthouse piece than as a mainstream effort, not to mention a strong example of style and obsession overshadowing substance and story. There is also some suggestive imagery. 

That's not to say the film lends itself to some truly impressive set pieces and top-notch craftsmanship, including brilliant showcases and distinct personalities for its main characters. Highlights include ZigZag's card tricks, Tack's pursuit of the Thief through a series of checkerboard hallways, and the Rube Goldberg-esque destruction of an industrialist city. The film proves what hand-drawn animation is capable of, as an art form and means of storytelling. This applies not just to characters and foreground elements, but the whole environment as well. Make no mistake, animated on 1's (all 24 frames per 1 second of animation) is a very expensive and time-consuming process, but also an astounding one, especially in the pre- and current-digital era. I can't help but notice a parallel theme as well: that the actions of one person (be it the Thief, Tack, or even Williams himself) can greatly affect everything around them. 

Williams has since made peace with the project, having gone on to make other short films (including the detailed and graphic short, Prologue, an Oscar-nominee from 2015, and the potential start of another ambitious feature) until his death in 2019. Although a working print from 1992 was screened at the Samuel Goldwyn Theatre in 2013, The Thief and the Cobbler: Recobbled Cut Mark 4 (courtesy Garrett Gilchrist) may be the closest we'll ever get to seeing Williams' original vision coming to fruition. 

REVIEW COLLECTION: The Films of Don Bluth, Part 1

The following reviews were originally posted on my Instagram page @film_freeq in early 2023. This is the first-half of a look back at the career of one of contemporary animation's most influential directors (featuring Gary Goldman, John Pomeroy, and others). 

The Small One (1978) 

Don Bluth began his career as an animator for the Walt Disney Company, starting with classics like Sleeping Beauty and The Sword in the Stone. He eventually working his way up in the 1970s, as a directing animator on Robin Hood, The Rescuers, and the animated segments for the live-action Pete's Dragon. But the once-promising successor had become disillusioned with where the studio was headed at the time. Then, in 1979, he and several artists left Disney to form their own studio. 

But one year prior, Bluth received his first and only Disney credit as a director with the 25-minute short, The Small One. The story follows a Hebrew boy who hesitantly takes his pet donkey into town to sell him, before encountering Joseph and Mary on their way to Bethlehem. This Biblical tale was a rare setting for a Disney feature (it would be twenty years before DreamWorks made The Prince of Egypt). With impeccable art direction and animation, Small One is a charming and moving gem. 

Banjo the Woodpile Cat (1979) 

Originally pitched as a short for Disney but rejected by the studio at the time, this personal project was created and completed independently by Bluth and a small, close team of artists and writers in his garage. Banjo is the story of a misbehaving farm cat who runs away from home to Salt Lake City, where he meets the smooth-talking Crazy Legs (voiced by Scatman Crothers) who helps him find a way home. This charming musical feature is the one that truly established many of Bluth's signature trademarks: orphans as protagonists or supporting characters, detailed art direction, loose and unpredictable character animation, some heavy subject matter (i.e., harsh and/or dark realities in the world), and emotional story arcs about family and/or belonging. It's worth a look. Bluth's next film--his first full-length feature, The Secret of NIMH [read my full review here]--would prove to be a radical departure by comparison. 

An American Tail (1986) 

Steven Spielberg first got his feet wet in the field of animation with this fan-favorite classic from the mid-1980s. Having been impressed with 1982's The Secret of NIMH, the blockbuster hitmaker recruited that film's director to helm an an adventurous story (produced by Amblin Entertainment) about a Russian family of mice that is separated while emigrating to America. 

Based on an original story by executive producer David Kirschner, An American Tail follows little Fievel Mousekewitz as he discovers America near the turn of the century, while on a quest to find his family. In the meantime, the timid-but-courageous mouse teams up with a band of local and/or immigrant critters to face off against a band of scheming cats--with the exception of the good-natured and humorous Tiger (voiced by the late Dom DeLuise). 

This family-friendly gem does come with more than its share of scary moments (not uncommon in Bluth's filmography), including a massive rainstorm, vicious and hungry felines, and a giant, nightmare-inducing contraption. And despite a few plot holes, An American Tail still has amazing animation and characters. It also marked the first of many animated films composed by the late James Horner, while the soundtrack includes unforgettable tunes like, "There Are No Cats In America," "Never Say Never," and the Oscar-nominated "Somewhere Out There." 

TRIVIAL FACT: An American Tail had competition that same year with Disney's The Great Mouse Detective and came out on top. Two years later, the same thing happened between Disney's Oliver and Company and Bluth's next feature. 

The Land Before Time (1988) 

For an entire generation, Steven Spielberg's Jurassic Park was their introduction to dinosaurs. But my generation and I should agree that, five years before that iconic blockbuster, it was the animated The Land Before Time. Through the combined talents of Spielberg and George Lucas (a rare collaboration outside the Indiana Jones series) with director Don Bluth, this amazing adventure follows a young brontosaurus (or, "long-neck") named Littlefoot, who joins a diverse group of other young dinos on a journey to a new valley after an earthquake separates each of them from their families.

While essentially a story for children, adults can appreciate the film's wondrous art direction, meticulous character animation, poetic symbolism in the names of its creatures, spiritual metaphors, and its emotional core, as well as themes of friendship and love. Scenes involving the villainous T-Rex (a.k.a. "Sharptooth") will likely frighten younger kids; in fact, certain moments were cut out of the final product, deemed as too scary and intense. (Spielberg and Bluth parted ways after this film's release, due to creative differences, with the latter's subsequent films produced independently until 1995.) Even so, those remaining moments of peril, action, and drama are still edge-of-your-seat thrilling and heart-tugging. 

What audiences remember most is the film's cast of endearing characters, including stubborn triceratops (or, "three-horn") Cera, timid pterodactyl ("flyer") Petrie, chatterbox saurolophus ("big mouth") Duckie, and pantomime stegosaurus ("spike-tail") Spike. Likewise, James Horner's unforgettable score represents the late composer's most significant contribution to the medium of animation, and one of the reasons he is missed. 

All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989) 

A wholly original animated fantasy that saw Bluth make a return to more independent filmmaking since his debut seven years earlier. This period story, set in New Orleans in 1939, centers on a smooth-talking German Shephard who is murdered, goes to and escapes heaven, and forms an unexpected bond with a little girl who can talk to animals. You're probably thinking, "That doesn't sound like typical kiddie fare." 

Well, hold your horses--or, should I say, collars. Typical, this film is not. Nor is it as kid-friendly as you may remember. Sure, the camaraderie between pals Charlie and Itchy (voiced by Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise, respectively) is terrific, and the adorable Anne-Marie bares an obvious resemblance to Disney's Snow White (one of Bluth's favorite movies). There's also that memorable, out-of-the-blue number with the eccentric singing alligator (voice actor Ken Page later played Oogie Boogie in The Nightmare Before Christmas). 

But All Dogs Go to Heaven also deals with heavy subject matter (death, immortality, gambling, child neglect and endangerment), some of it dark, depressing, and even nightmare-inducing. One sequence in particular (Charlie's vision of Hell) is likely to traumatize; Bluth admitted in a 2022 interview that he may have gone too far with this scene. Equally sad is the fact that Anne-Marie's voice actress (ten-year-old Judith Barsi, who also played Duckie in The Land Before Time) was murdered by her father one year before the film's release. 

There are some good life-affirming moments about the consequences of selfish choices, as well as redemption, love, and true friendship. But parents of small or younger children should think twice about this spiritually-misguided, not-really-G-rated adventure. 

RETROSPECT: The Worst Movies I've Ever Seen!

[Trademark of Rotten Tomatoes]

Let me get this off my chest. 

For the most part, I've been posting reviews on films that I greatly admire, some I grew up with, and some that have shaped my perspective on cinema, for better or worse. But I've never really discussed in-depth about movies that are truly awful. (And let's be honest, we've each seen more than our share.) Here's a breakdown of 12 of the absolute worst movies yours truly has ever seen. 

The Cat in the Hat (2003) 

Being the Dr. Seuss fan that I am, I wanted to like this movie. Even when I knew it was savaged by critics when it was first released, I wanted to believe it was better than most people were giving it credit for. In retrospect, now that I'm older and a little wiser, I realize how disappointing this movie really was and still is. Not to mention the fact that it gives its source material such a bad wrap. The best way to describe this live-action adaptation (starring Mike Myers as the mischievous feline) is as an impeccably well-designed set piece being treated like a giant litter box. One good thing that resulted from this: the succeeding Horton Hears a Who (2008) proved that animation was the best medium for adapting Seuss's books. 

A Clockwork Orange (1971) 

Stanley Kubrick's controversial dystopic thriller, based on Anthony Burgess's equally-controversial novel, is one of the most explicit films I've ever seen. A two-and-a-half-hour saga about a sadistic and rebellious youth and his hoodlum gang of friends who revel in ultraviolence, rape, and Beethoven. That is, until the former is imprisoned, sent to a mental institution, and brainwashed by a government organization conducting social and mental experiments. I made a horrible mistake watching this once, and never want to again.

Fant4stic (2015) 

This 2015 take on Marvel Comics' first "family" of superheroes had a lot of potential. Director Josh Trank had success with the genre with his previous film (2012's found-footage thriller Chronicle), so this seemed like another straight shot. What resulted, however, was another case of intense behind-the-scenes drama, massive studio interference, and a finished film that was cold and convoluted. While Trank disowned Fant4stic prior to its release, it reportedly cost him the directing gig for the third Star Wars movie in the sequel trilogy (but that's another story). They still haven't gotten these characters right in the movies. Fingers crossed for the MCU. 

Howard the Duck (1986)

Speaking of Marvel, their first official attempt at a live-action film adaptation is notorious for being unbelievably cheesy, loud, and ridiculous. If that's not enough, there's interspecies sex and even duck nudity. At least the MCU's brief rendition of the space mallard can wipe some of those horrendous memories clean. 

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) 

An anticipated sequel to one of the biggest box-office hits of the 1990s, there was a lot to be excited about, including the return of franchise favorite Jeff Goldblum. But as soon as the film opened, I was lost. Likewise, this flick gets lost in mindless special effects, poorly-written characters, and a complete lack of Will Smith (who, ironically, starred in another big cinematic disappointment that same year: DC's supervillain mashup, Suicide Squad). One of the rare occasions where I wanted my ticket money back. 

Justice League (2017) 

I'll be honest, I initially let this lackluster "theatrical" release slide. But having followed the DCEU from Day One, and especially after Zack Snyder's official version of DC's superhero team finally saw the light of day in 2021, I can see how dreadful Warner Bros ran this 2017 version into the ground. Worst of all, it made the characters generic, exploited, and without any real or genuine stakes. The color grading and overall look of the movie also leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You can gain a lot more respect for Snyder after watching this wasted opportunity.  

Little Nicky (2000) 

We can all agree that Adam Sandler has made more than his share of awful movies in his career. So this choice was a bit of a toss-up between the homophobic bromance I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007), the horrendous Jack & Jill (2011), and the waste of talent that was Grown-Ups (2010). But I'm going with the 2000 spiritual comedy Little Nicky, in which Sandler plays the youngest son of Satan and must find and retrieve his older brothers in New York, where they plan to raise their own Hell on earth. Most secular critics and Sandler fans agree that Little Nicky is a broad, raunchy comedy with tasteless gags and characters, not to mention Sandler's ear-scratching voice out of the side of his mouth for the entire runtime. It also wastes a talented cast, including late comedian Rodney Dangerfield, Scorsese regular Harvey Keitel, and Patricia Arquette. I agree more with one reviewer who best described this movie as "warped theology".

Monkeybone (2001) 

Stop-motion veteran Henry Selick helmed this live-action/animated fantasy about a cartoonist who falls into a coma and wakes up in an underworld where his animated creations (including a sex-crazed talking chimp) roam free. When the titular primate takes control of the man's human body, the dweebish protagonist races to stop him while in the dead corpse of an Olympic gymnast. Although Brendan Fraser is best remembered for many iconic 90s and 2000s movies, this dark and surreal comedy isn't one of them. Not only did distributor Fox make the terrible mistake of marketing this PG-13-rated flick to kids, but it failed to find an audience in general. It's not really a movie for anybody, with that in mind. At least Selick bounced back with stop-motion work on Wes Anderson's The Life Aquatic three years later, while there are plenty of other noteworthy Fraser pics to choose from. 

Sausage Party (2016) 

Another film I deeply regret seeing in theaters (primarily for the purpose of going to a movie with friends). Now, I'm all for animation being more than a kids' medium, as there are many great examples for more mature audiences (Marjane Satrapi's 2007 semi-autobiography Persepolis, Wes Anderson's 2009 adaptation of Roald Dahl's Fantastic Mr. Fox). Sausage Party is really nothing more than a raunchy sex comedy disguised as a demented CGI tale of talking food products, with a male frankfurter and a female bun as two of the film's leads. (If that's not shameless subliminal imagery, I don't know what is). Believe me, it's not worth it. At least audience scores on Rotten Tomatoes are "rotten," indicating this party is out of date. 

Son of the Mask (2005) 

If you want any indication of an original hit movie that is untouchable, I give you this pointless and dreadful sequel. Picking up years after Jim Carrey's Stanley Ipkuss last donned the ancient mask of Loki, that same Norse god of mischief (played by Alan Cumming) is on a quest to find that prized possession and return it to his father Odin (Bob Hoskins, buried beneath layers of makeup). He soon finds it in the home of a bumbling cartoonist (Jamie Kennedy, a naturally funny comedian who is wasted in such a role), who had a child with his girlfriend while wearing the green face. The slapstick mayhem that ensues, particularly between Baby Alvey and pet dog Otis, is bombastic, horrendous, and downright creepy. Stick with Jim Carrey, or the animated series from the 90s. 

South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut (1999) 

The hard-R animated movie to end all hard-R animated movies. Based on the boundary-pushing adult cartoon series by creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the duo intentionally made this feature-length adaptation as vile and offensive as they could--and they did it again years later with the marionette war romp, Team America: World Police. South Park: BL&U follows four third-grade boys who sneak into an R-rated movie and quickly outrage their overly-sensitive parents, who in turn declare war on Canada and inadvertently unleash Hell on earth. Late film critic Roger Ebert perhaps said it best: "[The film] is slashingly, fearless satire, that's true. But it's also so mean. It is so mean-spirited, and so negative. And you feel, as you sit in the audience, even when you're laughing, you're not proud of what you're laughing at." Believe it or not, I actually tried writing a piece on this film, with the intention of being a voice of discernment for readers or viewers who do watch this material. But I eventually realized it would send the wrong message, so I scrapped it. I hope, now, I can convince you to avoid this foul-mouthed musical that is the farthest thing from innocent and cheerful, as its paper-cut-style animation makes it look. 

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) 

I do credit this film for changing my perspective on blockbuster movies. The moral: Just because a flick has awesome action and special effects doesn't mean it's going to be great. That certainly was the case with this ugly monstrosity that had very little to do with the Hasbro playthings it was supposedly based on. The movie instead heavily relies on CGI bombast and uncalled-for sexual content. It wasn't until three overlong sequels later that 2018's standalone Bumblebee finally got this film franchise right. 

REVIEW COLLECTION: The Filmography of John Hughes, Part II (Second Edition)

WRITER'S NOTE: The following is a collection of reviews posted on my Instagram account @film_freeq in 2022-2023. They’ve been organized by their initial (theatrical) release dates.

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Career Opportunities (1991) 

One of several John Hughes screenplays produced in 1991, Career Opportunities centers on a fast-talking, small town con man (who can't seem to keep a job) picking up a new gig at the local Target store, getting locked in one night with the prettiest girl in town, and standing off against two bumbling crooks. The film not only recycles elements from other (better) Hughes movies (Home Alone and Ferris Bueller, anyone?), but is, ironically, a wasted opportunity for a story about former high schoolers struggling into adulthood. The only bright spots in this crude, sexualized comedy (a young Jennifer Connelly is objectified a lot throughout, while elements of shoplifting and property damage pervade the store) are cameos by John Candy (as a store manager) and William Forsythe (as a snooty custodian). Best to leave this one out of stock. 

TRIVIAL FACT: Hughes was reportedly so unhappy with the finished product (accurately marketed as "minimum wage") that he wanted his name removed from the credits, to which the studio refused. 

Dutch (1991) 

Another Hughes script that recycles elements from his previous films (in this case, Planes, Trains & Automobiles and Uncle Buck) and assembles them into a crude road-trip comedy. Ed O'Neill (at the height of his Married . . . With Children fame) plays the titular working-class wiseguy who, to impress his new girlfriend, agrees to pick up her spoiled-brat, prep-school teenage son and bring him home for Thanksgiving. Dutch starts out decent enough (with dialogue that's actually smarter than the movie looks), but as soon as the unlikely duo first meet, the proceeding adventure results in hijinks that are broad, crass, and sometimes mean-spirited. (Bits about pornographic playing cards, and one distasteful sequence where Dutch and the angst-ridden Doyle are carpooled and robbed by a pair of hookers, are unnecessary and racy.) It's a middling journey with characters that go about their business (and each other) the wrong way. 

TRIVIAL FACT: O'Neill and co-star Ethan Embry reunited over a decade later for the TV reboot of Dragnet (2003), as detectives. 

Only the Lonely (1991) 

The only time John Hughes produced a film he didn't write or direct was with 1991's Only the Lonely. Using the same crew from Home Alone, Chris Columbus penned and helmed this unlikely romantic comedy about a Chicago cop and bachelor who still lives with his mother, until he falls for a funeral parlor cosmetologist. John Candy began showing his more dramatic side as lead Danny Muldoon. (He had a small role in Oliver Stone's JFK the same year, and a more crucial one in 1993's Cool Runnings.) 

The genuine camaraderie and dynamics between Candy and co-stars Maureen O'Hara (who returned to the screen for the first time in twenty years, as Candy's stern Irish mother), Ally Sheedy (as the love interest, a far cry from basket case Allison from The Breakfast Club), and Jim Belushi (as a fellow officer) make this an exceptional Hughes entry from the 1990s. The only downsides are a few crass, sex-related, and/or vulgar elements. Only the Lonely turned out to be the last time Hughes and Candy collaborated, until the beloved actor's tragic passing in 1994.

TRIVIAL FACT: Although he and Hughes reportedly didn't get along during the making of Curly Sue that same year, Belushi greatly enjoyed working on Only the Lonely. Macaulay Culkin also makes an appearance, as Candy's nephew. 

Curly Sue (1991) 

Jim Belushi and Alison Porter play a homeless father-daughter con-artist duo whose latest scheme lands them in the pad of a wealthy attorney. That's the plot of this misguided dramedy, complete with overt sentimentality and mean-spirited slapstick that feels forced and uneven. (Belushi's Bill Dancer sure gets hit in the head a lot.) The only real bright spot is Porter as the titular plucky girl; I'll never forget, as a boy, the moment in TV commercials where she slurps pasta. Curly Sue also marked the feature film debut of actor-comedian Steve Carell, who plays a silent waiter. 

Writer-director-producer John Hughes had other screenplays he was planning to make into movies but never did, including a comedy starring Sylvester Stallone and John Candy as feuding neighbors (Bartholomew Vs. Neff), and a romantic comedy starring Hilary Swank as a maid in Chicago (The Chambermaid); the latter was eventually redone by other writers as Maid in Manhattan in 2002, starring Jennifer Lopez and set in New York, as a generic, modern-day Cinderella story. Curly Sue ended up being the last film Hughes would ever direct in his lifetime. 

TRIVIAL FACT: Years later, Porter (who previously played one of Steve Martin's children in 1989's Parenthood) would win the 10th season of NBC's The Voice in 2011.

Beethoven (1992) 

An amusing family comedy with a St. Bernard as its star (one of the most famous movie animals) and the late Charles Grodin as the stuck-up family patriarch (one of our most memorable movie dads growing up). Watchmojo, perhaps, put it best: "If you grew up in the 90s, you probably know more about the dog than the composer." 

Produced by Ivan Reitman, Beethoven is otherwise an overly-sentimental and implausible movie, with a menacing subplot involving a sinister veterinarian that gives Cruella De Vil a run for her money. It is interesting seeing seasoned actors like Stanley Tucci and Oliver Platt (as a pair of dimwitted thieves), as well as David Duchovny and Patricia Heaton (as a sleazy business couple), in earlier film roles. And let's not forget that catchy rendition of Chuck Berry's "Roll Over, Beethoven" (performed by Paul Shaffer and the World's Most Dangerous Band). 

TRIVIAL FACT: Co-writer John Hughes was credited as "Edmond Dantes," a pseudonym he used whenever one of his finished scripts differed from his original vision. (The only other times this happened were for 2002's Maid in Manhattan and 2008's Drillbit Taylor.) 

Home Alone 3 (1997) 

Following two blockbuster installments in the early-90s, John Hughes initially planned a third Home Alone movie with Macaulay Culkin. But when the former child star briefly retired in 1994, Hughes decided to go in a different direction with the franchise, with a new cast but the same formula and hijinks. The result turned out to be the last major theatrical release that bore Hughes' name as writer and producer. 

On one hand, Home Alone 3 has a likeable-enough young lead (Alex D. Linz, who later starred in a few Disney films), while a young Scarlett Johannson and Sixteen Candles alum Haviland Morris play the kid's sister and mother, respectively. Plus, series editor Raja Gosnell stepped behind the camera for the first time. And the fact that the storyline (about a group of international thieves looking for a top secret computer chip in a toy car, and an eight-year-old at home with the chicken pox) was a little more plausible, and had a few clever visual elements and amusing moments, is commendable. (The same can't be said for some unnecessary suggestive images.) Overall, it's a forgettable and ridiculous affair. Three cheap sequels that followed in the next two-and-a-half decades further solidified that this franchise was much better at just one movie. 

Reach the Rock (1998) 

While the 1990s saw John Hughes largely turning out broad and crude family comedies, he did make at least one attempt to reach a young adult audience. Enter this widely-unseen film, written and produced by Hughes, about a town criminal (Alessandro Nivola) who causes property damage and spends the night in a prison cell--in none other than the fictional Shermer, Illinois (home to Hughes' teen movie universe). What follows is a night of theft, rebellion against figures of authority, sneaking or screwing around, lying, and coming to terms with past trauma. 

Reach the Rock does have a few intriguing scenes of dialogue and thematic metaphors between Nivola's troublemaking Robin (a close relative of John Bender from The Breakfast Club, perhaps?), William Sadler's police chief, and Brooke Langton's high school crush, regarding missed opportunities, growing up or the lack thereof, and feeling stuck. It very much follows the same structure as 1991's Career Opportunities, but as a dark drama. Hughes' son, John III, served as music supervisor for the film's engrossing soundtrack. But the story seems to wallow in reckless behavior and getting away with it, including a weak subplot about an unprofessional fellow officer trying to impress his girlfriend. SPOILER ALERT: truths do come out, but the outcomes and directions are just as (if not more) problematic. This was the last film personally overseen by Hughes before he left Hollywood for good. 

Just Visiting (2001) 

While Reach the Rock marked John Hughes' last sole screenwriting credit, technically the last screenplay credited to him was this 2001 medieval comedy, starring Jean Reno as a 12th-Century knight who is transported to present day Chicago and meets one of his descendents (played by Christina Applegate). Although it features Malcolm McDowell as an amusing wizard, this otherwise materialistic remake of the 1993 French film Les Visiteurs (both versions were directed by Jean-Marie Poiré, and this script was co-written by Poiré and co-star Christian Clavier) is loud and broad, with a convoluted story, dated CGI, bizarre imagery, mindless pratfalls, gross-out humor, and sexist gags/elements. This co-production of then-Disney-owned Hollywood Pictures is best left in the past. 

Drillbit Taylor (2008) 

Three best friends hire a bodyguard to help them navigate high school, more specifically to ward off sadistic bullies. Two things are worth noting about this Judd Apatow-produced comedy from the late-2000s. 1) It was the first leading vehicle for Owen Wilson after a reported suicide attempt the previous year. 2) The movie marks the last produced script originally written by John Hughes (who received story credit under the pseudonym "Edmond Dantes"; screenplay credit goes to Seth Rogen and Kristofer Brown). In fact, Drillbit Taylor feels like it came straight out of the Eighties a la My Bodyguard, Sixteen Candles, and Uncle Buck. 

While the repoirte amongst the young leads and Wilson is genuine, the movie's themes of bullying and retaliation are misguided, over the top, and sometimes mean-spirited. Throw in elements of pawning stolen goods (Drillbit is actually a homeless war veteran), crude and raunchy sex jokes, crass language (sometimes offensive), and even passive or dismissive teachers and/or adult figures, and you have a means to seek protection and guidance elsewhere.